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post Someone gives a sh*t, after all…

October 5th, 2008

Filed under: Events — newseditor @ 11:43 pm

Last night the garden bed of a residence on Brown St, Copley, was soiled with a mystery human stool excreted in situ by a trespasser.

A medical professional who was eye witness to footprints and the healthy foot-long specimen strongly suspected the perpetrator to be a well fed, medium to large caucasian male with a high fibre diet. The victim is at a loss to explain why no toilet paper was found at the scene of the crime.

Closer inspection of the evidence will be required in order to reveal whether the offending defecation was an act of territorial behaviour, the bizarre perversion of koprolagnia by proxy, an act of vengeance or merely the result of benign confusion as to which orifice is best put to use as a form of communication.

The matter has now been placed in the hands of the police and forensic investigators who have indicated that they wish to get to the bottom of it.

20 Comments

  1. Well I never, a bog-on-the BLOG…
    Bet the resident was browned off!! Oh well. it’s in the hands of the police now…

    Comment by John Henry — October 6, 2008 @ 11:39 am

  2. Has this business been registered as a dangerous species? Health inspectors and herpatologists are on the job.
    Identikit and DNA testing is in progress along with a search for the log-dropper. Townsfolk are asked to be on the lookout for bogger with head injuries and skid marks.
    A crack in the case is imminent.

    On speaking to the victim, the response was: “A rotti will be hired to guard against log-dropping botti.”

    Comment by D. Vacate — October 6, 2008 @ 12:21 pm

  3. My goodness, what an excellent piece of journalism. Congratulations Copley, you’ve done it again.

    This is certainly exciting outback community news. We should share this news of what a success the recent community workshops have been? It might even make the OACDT Newsletter despite it probably being a bit stale by the next editon.

    Perhaps it is a shy way of someone presenting a suitable tourist attraction. After all every town has the biggest “something” mounted in a prominent place. It could be a wind warning indicator, just to make an initial suggestion. Or hang it from a chain and if it turns white, it’s snowing, if it goes shiny it’s raining; if it turns brown, it’s dusty…no that one wouldn’t work.

    May I borrow this piece for our paper as it’s the only paper which may be prepared to “touch it”?

    May we also have a photo of the er….newsy item if one is available please? Another suggestion is a name for the orphan. The most popular name for dogs we’ve just discovered, is Max. Which is interesting as it’s short for Maximus or in this case Maximum..

    Check back later for more hot newsXX

    Comment by Margaret Mackay — October 6, 2008 @ 1:59 pm

  4. its all in the name

    Comment by D. Vacate — October 6, 2008 @ 2:01 pm

  5. sorry Margaret, although the species was rare and endangered, the flies were the only interested parties. A local artist is going to replicate it for posteriors….posterity.
    Due to the high fibre content it would not be representative of the local population, so its iconography is suspect.
    A request of OACDT for child development workshops and constipational…..constitutional development is definitely in order.

    Comment by D. Vacate — October 6, 2008 @ 2:31 pm

  6. That was a wonderful read I have tears of laughter streaming.
    what a jerk whom ever it was.
    Well you sure gave us all a heap of mirth ummmm dont think thats what you wanted or was it ???????

    Suggestion Jerk!! fertilize you own yard next time, it probably needs it more that anyones.
    The plot thickens or does it ?????

    Comment by kate — October 6, 2008 @ 2:45 pm

  7. This could either be someone making a contrare statement about Greening Copley or a genuine though misguided deposit toward said. Of all places Brown Street is a most interesting choice of place to lay down such a body of evidence and in my experience of anal human behaviour the depositor is feeling dis-empowered and trying to attract more interest….has anyone bothered interviewing the flies…chances are they have seen this arsehole before!!!

    Comment by Caldwell Malt — October 6, 2008 @ 4:12 pm

  8. Or should that read the ‘plop’ thickens…..

    Comment by John Henry — October 6, 2008 @ 4:55 pm

  9. I’m poop-ed from so much laughter.
    what was the intended message
    tis obvious the perp’s no communicator
    script coming from the back passage

    the writing could have been better
    its orifice of origin hard to tell
    as description comes in four letters
    would come from mouth as well

    what’s wrong with pen and paper
    oh yes, none was used
    butt can this person cipher
    it leaves one quite bum-used

    so if you know this bogger
    and don’t know how to write
    I suggest a daily visit
    to an de-fac-ation site

    Comment by D. Vacate — October 6, 2008 @ 10:20 pm

  10. What tis brun,
    régal
    &
    found in Browne Street?

    Tis Louis the Turd……

    Comment by Pierre Le Fluff — October 6, 2008 @ 11:15 pm

  11. tis bold and curied deep in the ground
    toiletly broken into piddle lieces

    manured earth will grow something nice
    some roses or ericas or something with spice
    maybe colanthus or casien beans will grow
    or robina, davidius or clivia seeds for show
    will grow nicely in shady and darkened spaces
    where one can’t see their embarrassed faces
    or bottoms as the case may be
    either way the manure was free

    Comment by G. Nome — October 7, 2008 @ 10:43 am

  12. under the spreading gum tree unfolds the thickened plot
    tracks in sand and disturbed sticks and leaves reveal
    some diggings around the place of previous plop
    some animal or otherwise is looking like some fool
    and digging up the evidence so master can’t be found
    sending them to toilet gaol the plopper place for stool

    Comment by G. Nome — October 12, 2008 @ 9:31 pm

  13. decided on dianthus or diosma
    to plant over rotting dropping
    as absorption into gardenscape
    continues without stopping

    so if you feel like trespassing
    upon this vibrant place
    take care you may end up
    becoming a little pigface

    for everything that’s useful
    as food for plants or compost
    gets buried nice and deeply
    then is advertised as lost

    so beware that yellow little gate
    with jangling warning bell
    and hanging baskets in the trees
    are there to guard it well

    trespassers take special care
    and count your digits well
    for little piggies one,two three
    could find themselves in hell

    Comment by G. Nome — October 14, 2008 @ 11:56 pm

  14. A CRAPPY POEM.

    Emus wander, peck this, peck that,
    insects, grass, fruit and seeds digest, then splat.
    Striped chicks herd close to mum,
    eat with beak and splurt from bum.

    Brown leather cake next to fresh mushy gloop
    in middle of walking path ‘DON’T STEP ON THAT POOP’.
    Big poos, little poos, pointed round or flatty,
    hard soft, mushy, gushy, fibrous green or splatty.

    Sky white, rain patters,
    makes mud of dust and sand.
    Magic spell,
    splats swell,
    watch and love this land.

    Comment by carol — October 19, 2008 @ 3:24 pm

  15. excellent Carol…love it

    Comment by G. Nome — October 19, 2008 @ 9:45 pm

  16. Sorry to disappoint you Carol, but it wouldn’t be their mum. The chicks are actually raised by the males.

    Comment by Lulu — October 20, 2008 @ 2:44 pm

  17. sounds like that might be a good thing Lulu,
    if this attitude pervades your chatter,
    where enjoyment is with correcting all
    on points which really don’t matter

    why would carol be disappointed
    for goodness sake dear Lulu
    remove your head from your fundament
    look at the big picture of that poo

    maybe you approve the mode of speak
    and would like it in a letter
    for protocol must be followed
    except when involving the latter

    it really shows the mentality
    where grammar overrides ethics
    and morals and respect for all.
    leave off the silly pedantics

    get on with the hysterics.

    Comment by G. Nome — October 20, 2008 @ 10:23 pm

  18. G. Nome, I think you have mistaken me for someone else.

    Comment by Lulu — October 24, 2008 @ 1:05 pm

  19. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……Whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……….

    did I identify someone?

    wouldn’t be first time nor the last Lulu,
    that mistakes have been made.
    I am but a G. Nome
    and so have human traits
    open to the vagaries of their behaviour,
    the least of these ‘to err’.
    Not saying you are wrong,
    Nor that we can’t all learn
    but it’s a poem for goodness sake,
    and licence it does take.

    Comment by G. Nome — October 26, 2008 @ 1:05 pm

  20. Comment by G. Nome — October 14,

    “trespassers take special care
    and count your digits well
    for little piggies one,two three
    could find themselves in hell”

    methinks someone tested
    this little bit of advice
    deciding ‘break & enter’
    wouldn’t find them in hell!!!

    well, now I have the evidence
    apart from DNA
    for big greasy fingerprints
    are on the door as well.

    the photos are all-telling
    the dusting is all done
    reports are in the file now
    policeman’s ones as well!!!

    now, nothing has gone missing
    which makes one sit and think
    what was the begging question
    did you count your fingers well?

    methinks my dog was guarding
    his home of times gone past
    and scared the little beggar
    the door he could not pass

    so if you think of trying
    another illegal act
    beware the spirit doggies
    hanging around the gate

    the house is well protected
    you want to try it out?
    come dance the light fantastic
    the ‘fireies’ can put you out

    but watch those little pinkies
    as spells protect the door
    and on the other side from you
    your spirit will be poor

    karma will be your prize
    for nothing do I have
    that’s even worth the effort
    but your soul I would not save

    Comment by di — October 30, 2008 @ 4:08 pm

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